Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He felt like a one man threesome
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I think i got beer on your cat.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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