I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
