cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We have started to decorate penises.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
