Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
