I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize