they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
