we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
