but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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