The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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