he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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