if you like me you must not know who I am
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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