But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
