i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
