u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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