Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
