you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
