So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
