i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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