I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
