Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
being pregnant is like rehab
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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