I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
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We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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