Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
