Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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