Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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