omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
