As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
