oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
