Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
