I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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