We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.