no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together