I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Randomize
