I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
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I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to