I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
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I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
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Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.