Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
