Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The air was thick with penises
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
