your thong is hanging out like whoa
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
