i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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