I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
