I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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