he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
