Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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