You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
