i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My vagina just recognized that song.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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