i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
