i just wanna soil my oats bro
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
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I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
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HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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