I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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