i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
