I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
