i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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