If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
