8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
