We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
