She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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