I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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