Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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