he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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