I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He shit in the fireplace
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