hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize