My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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