too bad you live with your parents still
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
