i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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