i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
