Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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